I am soo looking forward to being home for Christmas! It will be nice to have somewhere to go during my moments of stir craziness. Like today! We currently have a team here from TX. The are doing some ministry/soccer camps down south, a little over and hour away. So with the kids still in school I get to stay home with them (which I usually don't mind, unless we get past 3 days of having to stay at home:) I was going to try and take them today, Saturday, but again Carsten woke up with another runny nose and asthma issues.
Days like today, home with the kids, all day, I find myself sitting here wondering if I am really ready to home school this next year (starting in Jan.). I wish there was a mall or somewhere to go just for an hour or so, but no, there is just Pick n' Pay our grocery store. It is pretty sad when I try and come up with things I need just to get out and go to the store, then end up spending money on pepsi or other things we really do not need.
I honestly do feel strongly that my main ministry this season of life is my family and raising amazing kids, but there are weeks where I am on skype with my parents and wish I could send the kids through the screen for a few days or weeks:)
I am excited to home school, since I do really miss teaching (I have my BA in elem. educ.). So the thought of turning our spare room into a school room and decorating it all up and getting my creativity flowing again, is pretty exciting for me!
I will miss my freedom for tea with friends and stuff! I will need more structure! I will need more patience! Maybe that is why God lead me to do a study on the fruit of the spirit this term before school starts, hmmmm.
Needing to get out!
He loves us
I am sitting here completely overwhelmed by a new and deeper revelation of God.
I remember when I was dating Doug and just meeting his parents we went to Red Robin and they talked of God and faith all of the time. I was a Christian at the time but in my head were thoughts of, "why is this family so "spiritual" always talking about God and faith, etc. all of the time!!" Well as life has gone on and God has matured me in who he is and who I am in him, I get it!
There is a song by Jesus Culture called "How He Loves",(I challenge you to look it up and really listen to the words). Talks about how he is jealous for us, how he loves us, how beautiful He is and great His affections are for me, if grace is an ocean we are all sinking, I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...he loves us. This is another one of the may worship songs that just "messes me up", in a good way. I am recognizing that if I am not changed what is the point?
My man, Doug preached at our home church here (and did an amazing job). He dug into understanding our covenant with God, and how we really don't get its fullness. He dug into Galatians 3:15-29, and wow! Coming to a new revelation of God and how much he loves us is so amazing to me! The law is our own efforts trying to make ourselves right with God. God gave the law to point out the flaws in us, we use law to prove ourselves holy. The law is not bad, Romans 7:7 “I would not have known sin if it were not for the law”. The purpose of the law is to point us back to Jesus.
My prayer this year 2010 was to truly say “I am in love with Jesus and mean it, not just words but a heart changed and truly in love with my Jesus”. I think that I am beginning to only touch the tip of the ice berg. I see his word for a true genuine love letter to us.
I'll be home for Christmas
We are coming home for Christmas!!!
This all started before we came to Africa, the first time in 2004. We were in the process and recognizing that we were going to be raising our kids half way around the world (literally) away from family, our home culture and friends. We began chatting with other current missionaries about what they did to stay connected and help to keep their kiddos connected. One family in particular, said that they purposed to come home for a vacation half way through each 4 year term. So we did that our first term with help from the parents :), but Christmas 2005 tickets were cheaper and we were one less on the "Myers Team".
We have continued with that desire to come home for Christmas, this time Christmas 2010! Doug's parents will also be celebrating a pretty big anniversary so their hope was for all of us Myers to go on a cruise while home for Christmas! So they started putting money away for us, if we got home they would help to cover the cruise!
As we have gotten closer and closer we got serious and started looking at ticket for all 5 of us to get home ... Well, $7000 later. Yeah, and that was only the tickets home. We also wanted to get to Cali. to go on the 4 day Mexican cruise with the family and to Leavenworth with my family, the Sollie side. We tucked that one away and thought on it. In May on our 12th anniv. Doug and I got away for 2 nights and on the way had this talk of how that is a rediculous amount of money to spend on a few weeks of just being home. We felt 1. Not real good stewards of our money, 2. That in no way leaves room for God to do a miracle 3. Who has $9500 sitting around for fun! (I know there are some people out there, but not us). Doug and I began discussing that it is not a bad thing for us to go home, but why not trust God to provide it for us, a faith builder for us and for our kids to experience and walk out with us. So we set this amount of $ that we had from previous blessings and money we felt like we would spend from our savings, and then began to pray, daily, for the rest of it, with the kids.
June hit and we were doing our taxes and got a good return. Our tax guy informed us that there was another refund, but because we live out of the states we were probably not eligable for it. Doug, went to the living room and prayed with the kids that if God would provide this money we would use it for our trip home and that it would be part of our testimony .... you guessed it $3000 later we were getting closer to our trip home. A couple months went by and we began thinking where is the rest going to come from.
We just had a team leave us from Montana. The last night of them being here they prayed over us and told us how their pastor told them to over budget for a trip here, they cut out on meals, eating pbj with the kids at the soccer camps and trimmed down on some dinners and informed us the $3500 we still needed to go home was DONE!
We were Completely overwhelmed and honored, by this team, who was lead by Pastor Jason & Heather Bishop, who were one of Doug's interns when we were youth pastors! God is faithful. Though we give up things, he blesses us more than we could imagine!
I was reminded of Ephesians 3:17-21
"So that Christ may dwell in you hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work with in us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!"
Actually the night the team told us this I skyped my mom and had itunes opened to the song "I'll be home for Christmas". When she answered I did not say anything, but played the song and she began to cry, and after telling her the great news, she cried even harder! (I think she is excited for us to come home or something!)
Intimacy
I have written so many blogs ... in my head, usually in the shower, but they never seem to make it to the computer! LOL!
Each year I try and make some sort of resolution, but simple. In 2009, after coming back for our second term, I was edgy not really sure how long I wanted to do this missions thing! I recongized that I was missing out on laughter, just laying on the floor and laughing with my family. I even had a cute little black and white plaque that said "laugh out loud" and I kept that in a visible spot. Thank the Lord that he is faithful, because now it is hard to remember a dinner where we are not all laughting at one point or Doug and I just laughing together!
This year has been a year of intimacy! For 2010 I asked the Lord to help me truly say that I was in love with him, and really mean it. Not "christianese", but a true genuine love! And he is taking me there. He is challenging me in my daily devotion to him, and it is amazing. My personal time, bible study, church and small group are all lining up in the same direction and He is being so personal.
In a bible study that I lead at my house, we were going through Priscilla Shirer's "One in a Million" and I came to a point where she asked "do you tend to depend on someone else to reveal God's word to you?" followed later by "take the time to commit to obedience, whatever God prompts you to do, be willing to do it." which also goes along with the resounding theme he keeps me pondering and meditating on "obedience is better than sacrafice". From there I felt the Lord directing me to lead our ladies through the book of James (the NT how to book). It has been an amazing season and am loving all that I am learning of myslef and my savior!
a tree
You know when you come across a song that you just can't get out of your head, or better yet a worship song that God keeps bringing you back to, to get it fully into your spirit? This past week I have has some pretty amazing times with my Jesus! The song that United Hillsong sings called "Hosanna" is that song for me, in this season. Every couple of days a different verse of the song seems to stick out to me! Today as I was driving into Mbabane (capital city), sitting at a robot (traffic light), I began to people watch. Thinking and wondering how people could get to a place of not taking care of themselves to the point of homelessness. At that moment the Lord brought a part of that song to mind: "Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I am for your kingdoms cause . . .". I became completely overwhelmed with the Lord saying "I love them too you know".
I know that the Lord called me to Africa to make a difference, but I think the biggest difference he was calling me to was a closer walk with him, and he has used Africa to get me there, though I am still a work in progress!
I am reading through Psalms at the moment and Love Ps. 1:1-3
1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
Love all of it, but meditating on God's word and then the visual of the tree planted by the water is amazing to me. As long as I stay in God's word and close to him he will never leave me. There are so many different season's of life! I remember just having Kylea and always being out of church due to feeding or diapers, etc. I felt so exhausted, my pastors wife Cheryl Jamison told me, "this is only a season, life if full of them". Simple, yet profound at least to me. Me or my "tree" may go through many seasons of life looking, sounding, feeling different with each one, yet knowing I am being "watered" is enough to keep me going til the next season weather enjoyable or not!
I so have a tendency to struggle with "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality. Honestly, I do have seasons where I long to be back in the states, back in my familiar culture, family, friends, church, shopping! Yet I have to continually remind myself to keep planted by the water, and see what season he has in store for me next.
just some of my thoughts lately!
He is
Living half way around the world from "home", has it's challenges. One of them being so far away when an emergency strikes at home and recognizing there is no way you can get home fast enough, especially when there is almost 30 hrs. of travel in front of you.
Well, one year ago today Carsten and I hopped on a plane Seattle bound to be with my dad at the hospital where he would spend 27 days trying to get the dr.'s to figure out what on earth was going on after a back surgery followed by a 911 call.
Today I sit here and Doug has made an emergency trip to the states to be with his family after his dad, Gordon, suffered cardiac arrest followed by a drug induced coma. Just talked with Doug on video skype (which I thank God for giving someone the brains to figure that one out). Gordon is making progress each day, even by the hour. For a time we were not sure if he would even make it, he is now sitting up, walking with a walker a bit, drinking coffee, recognizing most people, etc. We still don't know the end result of his condition, but God does!
It has reminded me to stop and recognize who God is! And what I am needing him to be.
He is my healer, healing Gordon. Our provider, providing funds for Doug to even go home without stress on our personal budget. My strength, for our family to lean on, for me to lean on as my husband is half a world away and I play the role of a single mom of three kiddos. My truth, when my mind tends to wander in the "what if" direction, He brings me back to his truth. My joy, providing times of laughter when I need it most. I could go on and on.
Though I wish I could be there too, being with the family, going to Starbucks, eating pizza, etc. I thank God for life and life to the full.
one of those moments
I facilitate a bible study that meets in my living room of 21 women. It is a highlight of me week. I look forward every week to Wednesday mornings 9.30-12ish! We are in the middle of the Ester study by Beth Moore and I had a "spiritual highlighter" moment, when the words seem to leap off of the page to you as if it were written just for you! Here it goes, hang with me:
"The hard truth of Mordecai's exhortation to Esther also applies to us. We can refuse to walk in obedience to God or cower in fear from our calling and He will undoubtedly still accomplish His agenda. As for us, however, we will pass up the fulfillment of our own entire life-purpose and we-and perhaps even "our father's family"-will miss a might work. Frighteningly, perhaps even a mighty deliverance."
"All of them will require the most difficult decision w think we can make. Decisions that we may feel will practically kill us. Then God does something miraculous and we become something we're not. That's when the "who knows?" becomes "I know"."
When I came across this I felt like she explained part of my life just there. I remember the whole missions process, or even backing up a bit, the thought of even dating Doug knowing full well he was called to missions, but I only felt called to do more of the short term stuff in between teaching, like summer trips to Mexico. So when the time came and Doug pulled me into the nursery at our church and told me that the church had approached him to pay off our school loans so we could go in a few years, I felt sick. Like this was the hardest thing I could do. Never living more than 45 min away from my parents and Kylea only one year old, yikes. But now, hindsight, that was only one small step to God being the "I know".
I am so gratful for a God who I do not totally understand or even comprehend, but completely trust!
Life
I was reflecting on how amazing my life truly is! A friend and I were chatting the other day on how she could not imagine living my life, living half of the world away from "home", family and friends, moving back and forth every 4 years, etc. I had to reflect and really think about that. I can get easily caught up in what I feel like I am missing out on and truly live my life in 4 year sections, which is like living your life on a count down (which describes our first three years here in Swaziland, Africa). I am realizing more and more how much I need to enjoy the now. Especially in this season of life being a wife and mom, which is my main focus/ministry!
Kylea is now in third grade, on the swim team, won first place in a dance off at her school for the "Valentine's Day Ball" for doing the waltz and twist, and loves being a first born girl! Kaden is now in first grade, a new reader, loves to be kissed and cuddled (by mommy!), is up for any competition, and naturally athletic in any sport! Carsten aka Boose is my little buddy, still enjoying him at home, we love to read books, finger paint, swim, and play dress up.
Sometimes I do dream of what life would be like back in the states, but I do realize I have a lot of benefits for this season being here. Stay at home mom, great missions house, a husband who adores us all, and God's favor!
