one of those moments

I facilitate a bible study that meets in my living room of 21 women. It is a highlight of me week. I look forward every week to Wednesday mornings 9.30-12ish! We are in the middle of the Ester study by Beth Moore and I had a "spiritual highlighter" moment, when the words seem to leap off of the page to you as if it were written just for you! Here it goes, hang with me:

"The hard truth of Mordecai's exhortation to Esther also applies to us. We can refuse to walk in obedience to God or cower in fear from our calling and He will undoubtedly still accomplish His agenda. As for us, however, we will pass up the fulfillment of our own entire life-purpose and we-and perhaps even "our father's family"-will miss a might work. Frighteningly, perhaps even a mighty deliverance."
"All of them will require the most difficult decision w think we can make. Decisions that we may feel will practically kill us. Then God does something miraculous and we become something we're not. That's when the "who knows?" becomes "I know"."

When I came across this I felt like she explained part of my life just there. I remember the whole missions process, or even backing up a bit, the thought of even dating Doug knowing full well he was called to missions, but I only felt called to do more of the short term stuff in between teaching, like summer trips to Mexico. So when the time came and Doug pulled me into the nursery at our church and told me that the church had approached him to pay off our school loans so we could go in a few years, I felt sick. Like this was the hardest thing I could do. Never living more than 45 min away from my parents and Kylea only one year old, yikes. But now, hindsight, that was only one small step to God being the "I know".
I am so gratful for a God who I do not totally understand or even comprehend, but completely trust!